I have mixed feelings about the New Year.
I can fantasize that my deepest desires will materialize this year. I can feel in control, as I haven’t yet failed to accomplish my goals, nor have I disappointed myself (or anyone else). But I will… Fortunately, I will also succeed at a lot of things, and it is important that I acknowledge my successes, because…
We’re really good at reinforcing our perceived failures.
Sometimes it seems that most of our thinking involves berating ourselves for what we haven’t done, or feeling anxious about what we need, or want, to accomplish. It’s rare that we congratulate ourselves. Even here, in the opening paragraph, I debated whether I should write that I’ll succeed at ‘a lot’ of things, or scale it down to succeeding at just ‘some’ things.
It is important to be self-aware (Step #1 in my 7-Step PowerPlan to Success™), and that means realistically recognizing our strengths, along with our challenges. To do this we can’t listen to our inner Judgmental Critic that constantly tells us we aren’t ‘good enough.’
So how can we set ourselves up for real success?
- Accept yourself for who you are. (#2 in the 7-Steps) Take a neutral position – “Yep, I do some good stuff but I’m also good at screwing things up.” The year will have its ups, but also downs. You can’t have good without bad, success without failure, or there is no discernible distinction. So stop beating yourself up for your challenges, and work from your strengths. Expect a roller coaster approach to success, and shoot for improvement, not perfection!
- Appreciate micro change. Focus on making small changes that eventually add up, instead of going for the big ones that may never happen. Commit to losing 5 pounds, not 50 (do-able, rather than intimidating or frustrating and thus easily avoided). Clear one drawer or file, instead of feeling you have to rearrange the entire room or file cabinet (so you don’t even start the clean-out). Get that done and you can go for more. Write 15 minutes a day, instead of waiting for that rare combination of available time and energy to spit out your masterpiece. This is the premise of the TUIT Project, my online Action/Accountability group – join us for the next session, beginning January 3rd, www.OvercomeOverwhelm.com.
- Get excited by progress, not perfection. Congratulate yourself on your baby-steps. Feel good that you made dinner, even if it was food-assembly of a store-bought roasted chicken and frozen veggies and not a cookbook classic… or that you managed a 10-minute walk, if not the 50-minute work-out… or you organized your tax-related receipts, even if you’ve yet to file from last year. We don’t give ourselves enough credit for the things we do – especially considering how difficult it is to do things that don’t trigger our ‘I wanna’ brains.
- Prepare. Make life less confusing by setting aside time for weekly and daily Planning (vs. Doing) sessions… track events on a calendar and use alarm reminders… create project sheets to break down projects into do-able tasks… have the right tools and information on hand so jobs go quicker… know exactly what it is you want to accomplish so you don’t drift… practice difficult conversations so you get your point across in a win-win way… acknowledge when you need help and get it. (Click here to schedule a free initial Coaching Conversation with me.)
- Put on the blinders. There will always be more to do. If we let it all in at once, it can be paralyzing. So focus on what you can (or choose) to do at a given time, ignore the rest and save yourself unnecessary and defeatist guilt-trips.
- Honor your needs and desires. Get enough sleep. Take time to eat right and be active. Chill out in front of the TV, with a book or video game. Enjoy a hobby. Make time for vacations. Play with your pets. Spend fun time with friends and family.You’ll have less time to accomplish work, but more time for a successful, satisfying life!
Yes, it’s about to be a New Year. Take advantage of this major calendar holiday as an incentive to think about what you really want, then set a realistic (for YOU) plan for making progress towards your goals. Remember to stay grateful for what you have and appreciative of who you are. Give yourself credit for even tiny steps – success breeds success!
Some people consider their birthday as the start of a New Year. The Jewish New Year is usually in September or October, and the Chinese New Year is celebrated in late January or February. But isn’t every day the beginning of a new year? This means we can hit reset and get a fresh start at any time. Good to know!
On a personal note, I am so grateful for those of you I know as clients and friends, and I’m full of caring and compassion for all of my readers. I understand how challenging life can be, and I’m in awe of, and inspired by, your efforts.
Thank you for being part of our community!